Being a person of color that floats between the queer world and the straight world adds all the more pressure.I constantly have to juggle other people’s hangups around gender, sexuality, and race simultaneously.It’s not very personal, but it lessens the possibility of a more life-threatening situation. A few people — both men and women — have had a sense I was trans before I even told them.
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He was pretty homophobic and transphobic when I originally met him, which he attributed to his upbringing.
He was a black guy, of Jamaican descent, and he often explained that coming from a single-mother household put more pressure on him to be a certain kind of man.
I’m surprised at how often I encounter people — typically cisgender men — who don’t understand what transgender means, even in a world where Caitlyn Jenner and Laverne Cox make headlines.
Despite the slowly turning tides, dealing with these potential partners is difficult because I often have to serve as both a therapist and a teacher. He was very much interested in me, but it took a few months for him to admit the full extent.
Still other times, the response — particularly from cis men — has been overwhelmingly negative: “If I had known, I never would have wasted my time” or “How could you think I’d be interested in that?